After last night, I could never be a politician.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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