if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize