I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
