but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
