I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
So squirting runs in the family.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
