He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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