i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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