Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Everyone says I win the strip club
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
