I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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