So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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