oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
