I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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