the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
