Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
