So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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