"it" just moved
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
How's work?
Spinning.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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