we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Randomize
