Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
