A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
