I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
