Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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