btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
