omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Say something about gay babies.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
