Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
