I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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