you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
