If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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