I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
