Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize