This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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