Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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