I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
