I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
