I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
