God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
