the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
