She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
