no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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