How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
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