Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
