I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
