Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
