I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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