Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
