Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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