first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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