YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
