SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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