I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
