I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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