I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
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Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
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I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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