My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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