My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
