I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
