Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize