When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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