I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
